Selected Tweets of @VMelinjo (2010-2010)

VMelinjo Gelar kesarjanaan tidak menjamin kepintaran seseorang. Contohnya saya yang S2 ini.

VMelinjo Laju hidup saya seiring gerak Salsa: selangkah ke depan, dua langkah ke belakang, berputar.

VMelinjo Kenapa saya suka salsa? Karena kalau bukan kita, siapa lagi yang bisa melestarikan budaya bangsa sendiri?

VMelinjo Kondisi sel di rutan kita memang memprihatinkan. Dengan ruang gerak sesempit itu, penghuni rutan tidak bisa latihan salsa.

VMelinjo Namun, saya juga protes Artalyta. Dengan sel-nya yang luas, kenapa body-nya tidak ideal? Pasti tidak disiplin latihan salsa.

VMelinjo Saya bangga akan perfilman Indonesia. Dulu orang hanya bisa bikin film hitam-putih, sekarang kita sudah bisa buat "Merah Putih".

VMelinjo Saya tidak suka film Rumah Dara. Tidak seperti Sang Pemimpi, tokoh2nya hanya ber-cita2 ingin ke Jakarta, bukan Perancis. Payah.

VMelinjo Hari ini saya mulai baca buku tentang sejarah berdirinya toko furniture mewah bergaya Italia. Judulnya Da Vinci Code.

VMelinjo Melelahkan sekali cerita perusahaan Da Vinci ini. Rumit. Nampaknya saya akan beralih ke buku origami terbaru saja. "Perahu Kertas".

VMelinjo Mau nonton Nine, tapi saya takut tidak mengerti ceritanya. Saya belum nonton One sampai Eight.

VMelinjo Mau nonton 3 Idiots, tapi saya tersinggung membaca judulnya.

VMelinjo Meeting di Sushi Tei tadi berlangsung cukup sukses. Sayang makanannya kurang enak karena banyak yang mentah.

VMelinjo #judulhororroysuryo CHATTING. LOL LOL LOL ... Saya lucu, ya? Lucu, ya? Sampai tertawa sendiri.

"Kematian" @VMelinjo adalah sebuah bentuk pengorbanan. Kini semangat @VMelinjo adalah milik bersama. Silakan ber-"kicau" di Twitter seperti ini:

RT @VMelinjo: [Segala pernyataan yang mengandung kesalahan yang konyol, berlebihan, tapi tetap lucu, tanpa perlu menghina siapa-siapa kecuali diri sendiri (dalam hal ini adalah VMelinjo sendiri)]

Enjoy the garing spirit of Emping!

Posted at 01:23 by VE HANDOJO

Dear Infotainment

You are funny, you are entertaining, and sometimes - when you're in your best mood - informative as well. We love to laugh with you, and at you. We also love to get upset with you, and - when you're in your worst mood - at you.

I am sorry that Luna Maya has mentioned that you are worse than prostitutes and murderers. I believe she has the rights to be upset, yet I don't believe than revealing such painful truth is a lovable move of hers.

I am also sorry that you are defended by the very tired, God-knows-what-for organization called PWI (Persatuan Wartawan Indonesia). I believe the post-power syndrome display has made your name even worse than it has already been.

You have been born in the era of celebrity culture. When people love to peek at their idol's daily life, you have become their eyes and ears. (Not their heart, though.) Thanks to some celebrities who open doors to welcome your poorly trained reporters and cameramen, you have grown as a big baby, showered with a big chunk of marketing and promotion budget from advertisers. You have made your parents - those TV stations and channels - proud. You are so young, uneducated, yet you can bring so much revenue to the showbiz family.

Some celebrities might have been so desperate that they even welcome you to their bedrooms. These are people who have nothing inside their head, so they can only show what they have under their skirts.

Thanks to this kind of celebrities, you grow to believe that without you, artists - vocalists, musicians, actors, actresses, supermodels, etc - can not be "big".

Dear Infotainment, I hate to tell you this truth, but here you go: You are not God.

Real artists have real talents. Long before the ridiculous word "infotainment" invented, we have already known Christine Hakim, Jenny Rachman, Rano Karno, Roy Marten, Onky Alexander, and many many many more. We were, are, and will be fine without you.

Long before you start invading promotional and marketing events (e.g. Gala Premieres, Album Launches, etc.) only to look for raunchy gossips, we have scored big success in selling and introducing creative works to the public and audience.

So, what makes you think that we need you? What makes you think we owe you? You were born because big talents were born, then you've turned them into "celebrities" - a label that is not necessary at all, and often mistaken as "freaks".

Yes, Infotainment, even a freakish moron can be in TV these days, thanks to your bad taste! An ex-wife of a vocalist who became such a drama queen and thought she could act in a movie? Now, that's the kind of "artist" who would happily invite you to reveal the color of the underwear she's wearing.

Dear Infotainment,

A few of you has done a good job, and I know "good job" often means "lower rating", and that's not making Father TV pleased. Kudos, and you are well appreciated! Yet, many of you are taking the easy way, and it is - sorry to say - very prostitution-ish. It's like, "Oh, my mother in the village is sick, so here I am, selling my pussy to pay for her medication."

"If we don't make up stories, or manipulate the footage to tell misleading news, or even make fake recordings, then we will not have sensational news to sell, then ratings will go down, advertisers stop giving the money, Father TV will be upset, then our program will be killed, and we will lose our job!" That's your best excuse?

Come on, Infotainment, stop being a drama queen! If you want to spend more time in brainstorming, and learn from E! Channel, and are daring enough to challenge your Producers and Advertisers, then you can come up with a much better programming.

What, are you blaming most of your audience that are not "smart" enough to chew good programs? Darling, if you have a baby who cannot walk, will you tell her to keep on crawling on the floor for the rest of her life? Will you not tell her how to walk? Will you not encourage your audience - most of them in rural areas of our country, with no formal education, low income, living a humble life where gossiping about Luna Maya with neighbors is a staple thing to do - to learn to appreciate people more?

Don't you think broadcasting positive news of a celebrity's life is "selling a dream" as well? Or, do you think the divorce of a certain celebrity couple is a dream to sell?

I cannot totally put the blame on you, Infotainment. This is a chaotic system that needs time to reconcile. Yet, when people are pointing at you, and saying that you are lower that prostitutes and murderers, you know what ... the statement bears a high level of truth. You have been selling your soul to the Rating Devil.

It's all about choices, really. To say that you can't do anything about it means to show that you are weak. And, when you chose to be weak, please don't try to judge someone who's trying to be strong.

You can chose to leave the chaotic system. You can chose the harder way. You can chose to shift your talents somewhere else. For example, cameramen: do wedding videos. Why not? You will become a part of many people's happy day, and the money can be very good if you are really putting your heart into it. Reporters, you can always find something else to do. Always. Read many kinds of magazines, and you'll find plenty of opportunities there.

You can chose to make your life not out of other people's private lives. You can chose to have a heart. (And when you don't want to chose to have a heart, that will be the end of you.)

Posted at 11:47 by VE HANDOJO

The Coffee Headache

Coffee joints mushroom all across the country, but how come they generate more headache than inspirations?

Java Dancer's barista, Andri Gunawan, at work. Cappuccino (left) and Piccolo Latte (right) are among his best works.

My favorite Starbucks story was first told by a friend of mine who was a barista in the Plaza Indonesia branch, back then when the American coffee chain first invaded this country. In the most stylish, sometimes pretentious, mall in Indonesia, a 30-something lady carrying the newest Louis Vuitton bag came to the counter, gazing at the menu and price list posted above. She was wondering how a simple drink called coffee could be more expensive than a bottle of Evian. So, she decided to give Starbucks the very first try by choosing the cheapest item.

"Can I have one Additional Shot of Espresso, please?"

My friend patiently explained that to get that "item", the lady should order her main drink first. Nodding in full agreement, she moved to the second cheapest drink, which was a shot of espresso. She paid, and agreed to wait in the pick-up corner – surely after being told that nobody will bring her order to "that sofa by the window".

She was then stunned to find out how small her coffee drink was. Upon finding out that the milk was free – not anymore, now – she asked for a much bigger mug, poured all of her tiny espresso there, then filled the mug with milk. Happily, she sat by the window, letting passers by to gaze at her Louis Vuitton and "espresso".

Indonesia's very own coffee culture is this sophisticated fix that we take every time we need to go on a graveyard shift – security officers on late night patrol, college students doing their final assignments, fathers gambling on chess boards with neighbors – and it's called kopi tubruk. The simple ground coffee with hot water was best taken with banana fritters, dip fried cassava roots, while wearing only your GT-Man underwear and sarong. Obviously stated through advertising campaigns of Kapal Api, Torabika, and other local coffee brands that caffeine and machismo came hand in hand.

The '90s gave way for café culture from "other parts of the world", a.k.a. Singapore, to mushroom in big cities across Indonesia. So, we started to learn that there was this thing called cappuccino, and – yes! – you actually could have "iced cappuccino" no matter how illogical it might sound. Foam of milk with ice cube – yes, that might work. Genius.

The café culture simply told us to stop wearing only cheap undies while drinking your coffee, and start putting fancier labels. It also revealed to us that – hoooray! – it's legal to drink coffee during daylight! Goodbye cheap banana fritters, and hello tiramisu (cake)!

Riding on this wave, Starbucks arrived in Jakarta, and lifted the café culture one level up – or, so we thought. Indonesians were told that coffee shops do not sell nasi goreng, fried chicken, or oxtail soup. (Very) slowly we learned that doppio espresso means double shot, but not double the price, and "iced cappuccino" is a retarded term. We learned more about latte, macchiato, and frappuccino killed the then booming bubble tea business. The Americans have taught us about coffee as much as about pizza through that bakery called Pizza Hut.

We were startled then when our European friends saw us in disgust as we bloated ourselves with those frappuccino. To our further shock, Starbucks had closed so many stores worldwide, and mushrooming only in Asian cities. How come there is www.ihatestarbucks.com?

Fewer and more independent joints serve coffee the European way. The Segafredo chains, growing in a moderate pace, sticks to do it the Italian way. Local La Tazza – branches found in some unlikely spots like Mal Ambassador and Electronic City Building in Jakarta – reaches to a niche market who gets what is Cappuccino Scurro.

Aficionados and puritans know that cappuccino is only good before lunch, and Lavazza is way better than tasteless Illy. True enthusiasts also remind us how Indonesia is a land of handsome and gorgeous coffee, so why bother doing it the American or even European way? Why can't we be like Vietnam with their own coffee, and where the local Highlands Coffee chain is loved more than anything else? They don't need frappuccino there, since the Vietnamese dripping coffee has become an export commodity. (While we're at it, no, Dante's Coffee and Vietiopia, Vietnamese dripping coffee does not always come with ice cubes!)

Bakoel Koffie has been serving Indonesian coffee since long, but their effort to do "cappuccino" and "macchiato" has been proven bland. Their basic black is the most recommended one on the blackboard menu. Tornado Coffee and Anomali are favorites among the young creative forces in Jakarta looking for their caffeine fix.

Meanwhile, Java Dancer in Malang, East Java, has received not less than five hardcore coffee addicts who flew from other cities only to taste their cuppa. The house blend is slowly infiltrating F&B outlets of many levels in Jakarta, while their kopi luwak received high praise in Europe.

Initiated by three true caffeine junkies – a master roaster with a degree from USA, a Lavazza-certified chief barista, and a notorious cupper – the Java Dancer coffee depot, just right opposite Tugu Hotel Malang, now is overflowing with guests, and fully booked all week long. Their single origins come only from Indonesia with the exception of Timor Leste. Their highest level of product, the kopi luwak, is a sold out in the supermarket counters, including Bali.

After a long way round, we are back to our roots: the Indonesian way. You can do it anytime, you can wear anything, and you don't need to flaunt it. It's good to know the basic of our own coffee culture – which is actually not much different with anywhere in the world. Yet, it is costly to pretend.

Let's get things straight. Do you simply need coffee as part of your fashion? Go to Starbucks. Do you simply need to stay all night long? Fix your own kopi tubruk. Do you want to worship caffeine? Do it the Italian way. If you want to mix everything, every culture, please don't get mixed up.

My second favorite Starbucks story was something I witnessed myself. Midnight, a group of teenagers invaded a 24-hour Starbucks, holding their credit cards, craving for a "buy one get one" treat – the only way they could afford to catch up with the latest Starbucks fever. The barista informed them that the promo was only valid for frappuccino. Since it was a cold December night, these teenagers nodded, but, "Can we have some hot frappuccino?" Headache!

As published in FRV October/November 2009 issue.

Posted at 02:26 by VE HANDOJO

Color Up the Spring 2010!

The Pale-Harmonic
Come Spring 2010, it's blooming pale shades for men. So, hit those treadmills, add the push-ups, and work those abs! If you wanna go white, you better keep it hot in shape!

Louis Vuitton | Paul Smith | Viktor & Rolf | Marc Jacobs | Maison Martin Margiela | Versace | Jil Sander | Hermés

Into the Blue
Aqua splash appears in runways, suggesting cool and fresh as the chosen themes. Go bright on sunny day, go soft for a romantic mood, and go deep for an elegant evening in the park. Blue dominates the mind of almost every designer for the Spring 2010.

Marc by Marc Jacobs | Tommy Hilfiger | Michael Kors | Gucci | Calvin Klein | Commes des Garçons

Issey Miyake | Patrik Ervell | Rag & Bone | Bottega Veneta | Iceberg | Etro

Yellow Glow Glow
As if to balance the coolness of blue, shouting - and sometimes neon - yellow is also beamed through the major runways. Gentlemen are advised to be brighter, stronger, and more cheerful.

Marc by Marc Jacobs | Ralph Lauren | Michael Bastian | Louis Vuitton | Lacoste | Salvatore Ferragamo

Blazing Red
Besides the domination of blue and yellow, red dots also appear in some of the major runways, giving Spring 2010 extra heat. Many suggest to safely pair red with black, and some go extreme to paint the whole body in that passionate tone. Me likey.

John Varvatos | Issey Miyake | Bottega Veneta | Gucci | Y-3 | Marc by Marc Jacobs

Reaching for the Green
Okay, green is my personal color, so I'm reaching to feature this color - I must admit. Green is almost nowhere to be found but Etro's stage where every color is celebrated. It even escapes Issey Miyake's colorful palette! What a blasphemy! My love for green has very little thing to do with this eco-whatever movement (though I support them wholeheartedly). So, here it is ... just to keep my faith that the world is better look green.

Iceberg | Etro | Giorgio Armani | Costume National | Band of Outsiders | Michael Bastian

Images from men.style.com

Posted at 06:58 by VE HANDOJO

FPI (Fucked-up Protectors of Islam) vs. Miyabi

FPI - or Fucked-up Protectors of Islam - protests over just another insignificant thing: the involvement of Japanese sexy idol Maria "Miyabi" Ozawa in an upcoming Indonesian film production. The gang of brainless thugs invaded the office of Maxima Pictures - the film production company - and ridiculously (to no surprise, due to the absence of braincells inside their empty heads) begged the producers to replace Miyabi with local actress Luna Maya.

FPI - the self-acclaimed moralists - has never cursed Jakarta bombings, never taken any part in helping the victims of earthquakes in many parts of this country, but religiously spreads terrors in nightclubs, bars, pubs, only to collect "security fee". In the name of Islam and "God", FPI has been enriching themselves and gradually become unofficial shareholders of those nightclubs, bars, pubs, and other "indecent" places. FPI is the epitome of hypocrisy, the biggest joke in Indonesia, and every member of them should be beheaded.

Posted at 05:24 by VE HANDOJO

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This is a personal journal of Ve Handojo. All rights reserved. Quoting without permission is prohibited.



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Maxmillian Hartandi
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